Lately I’ve been noticing how much mental health language is floating around everywhere. Mindfulness, gratitude, boundaries, holding space. All of it sounds great. Very evolved. Very “I drink water and go to therapy.”
But sometimes I read this stuff and think… what did I actually just take away from that?
Not what did it sound like. What did it do.
Because those are not always the same thing.
I’ve definitely been part of it too. I’ve posted things that made it seem like I had some kind of clarity or perspective.
In reality, I had one good hour and decided to document it like it was a lifestyle.
I wasn’t living in a state of clarity. I visited it briefly and made a post before it left.
Which, honestly, feels like the most accurate description of social media in general.
When the language gets ahead of the reality
There’s this point where the language starts to feel a little too good. Like everyone suddenly sounds emotionally fluent in a way that real life rarely is.
You start seeing phrases like:
- “holding space”
- “doing the work”
- “healing isn’t linear”
And again, none of these are wrong.
But if I hear “holding space” one more time, I might actually start asking what that looks like in real life. Like… are we sitting quietly? Are we texting? Is there a checklist?
It starts to feel like we’ve upgraded from being there for people to describing being there for people.
And those are not the same thing.
Performative empathy (or whatever this is)
I don’t think people are fake.
I think people care.
I just think somewhere along the way, caring picked up a script.
Because real empathy is usually:
- awkward
- quiet
- sometimes just sitting there with no idea what to say
It’s not always worded well. It doesn’t come with a caption.
But online, empathy can sound… perfect. Like everyone knows exactly what to say at all times.
Which is impressive, but also slightly suspicious.
Why it actually gets to me
It’s not even that it’s annoying (okay, it is a little).
It’s that it can make normal, messy experience feel like you’re doing something wrong.
Like if you’re not:
- grounded
- reflective
- using the right language
…then you’re somehow behind.
Meanwhile, most actual growth looks like:
- repeating the same mistake again
- realizing it later
- maybe doing slightly better next time
Not exactly quote material.
Gratitude (we have to talk about it)
Gratitude is another one.
Not the idea itself. The idea is fine.
But the way it’s presented sometimes feels like:
“Have you tried simply feeling better?”
And it’s like… yeah, I’ll get right on that.
The real version of gratitude, at least for me, is a lot less inspiring.
It’s more like:
- “today was rough, but that one thing didn’t suck”
- “I still feel off, but slightly less than before”
Which doesn’t look great on a quote card, but feels a lot more accurate.
The part I can’t ignore
I’ve done this too.
I’ve used the language. I’ve posted the quote. I’ve had a moment and stretched it into something that looked more consistent than it was.
So this isn’t me calling anyone out.
It’s more like… recognizing the pattern because I’ve been part of it.
Am I doing the same thing right now?
Probably a little.
I mean, I am writing a whole post about this.
But I can feel the difference when I’m writing something because it sounds right versus when it actually feels right.
That’s kind of the only line I trust at this point.
Where I land
I don’t think this stuff is useless.
It clearly helps people. Sometimes it even helps me.
I just think it works better as a starting point than a finished product.
Because at some point, you have to move from:
- saying the right things
to:
- actually living them (badly, inconsistently, like everyone else)
Final thought
Maybe nothing here is fake.
Maybe it’s just… edited.
And maybe the goal isn’t to get rid of the language, but to remember it’s not the whole story.
Because most of the real stuff?
Doesn’t sound that impressive.
Less curated. Less aesthetic. More real.
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